Author: ajgaines

Today was the absolute worst day of driving. The decision to drive through the boonies was a terrible one for my body and the bike. The road conditions could not have been shittier. It started okay, got worse, then got worse, then got more worser. From driving on some shit roads before I was terrified the bike would not make it. At one point she ran dry of oil and I could hear the valve tapping metal on metal, heat radiating on my shins and ankles, the burning oil smoke wafting into my face.

I had a quarter of a quart of oil left, put that in and that stopped the noise until I could find a little shack where I saw a full quart of oil. I was so far in the boonies that few people were wearing clothes. The naked attendant dude came up to me and it took about 10 minutes and the entire village showing up for me to sign language him into understanding that I needed some oil.

I threw the whole thing in. As I got deeper into nowhere the people became veryyyyyyy different. They were extremely friendly in the villages but they looked at me like I was an alien. I’m probably one of the very few white people that drove that road in history. Much of the road was being used my enormous Chinese trucks that threw fine dust into the air that settled inches thick where it fell. My whole body was covered in dust and as the day went on it was more and more uncomfortable. Everything itched, stung, and hurt. 

I’m not sure how nothing went wrong during the trip but as it got dark I was still about 2 hours from the main road and the driving got so steep downhill and so difficult. Enormous rocks in the road everywhere. The road just fell off of cliffs in some areas and sunk and spun in every direction.

At the very top though I saw some of the greatest views of my life. These villages were built along the spines of some enormous mountains that looked down on vast ranges. 

I screamed out in joy when I finally found the main road. Driving has never felt so easy than those ten minutes driving to find a guesthouse in the pitch black. The stars shined so bright above me. I drove to Pak Beng and found a guesthouse with hot water for 70,000. The guy immediately tried to sell me weed. I walked around the town just a little. There were a few “happy” bars. I stopped at the indian food place, checked out a bar but going by yourself sucks so I left after a few minutes, sat down at a bar and my eyes immediately began to close. So I walked back to the guesthouse for some much needed rest.

I started the day in Luang Namtha. It’s a real shit town where there seems to be some kind of prostitution ring based off of the noises I heard outside and the characters I saw going in and out of the hotel. I stopped at the local market which was surprisingly big for there being so few people around. I got some noodles, fruits, and this sack of juice I hadn’t seen before but they were everywhere so I figured I had to try it. It seemed to be filled with boba-type items inside.

I saw a few monks riding around on scooters which I hadn’t seen before. Then I was off! I got a late start to the day as I was exhausted from the late night the night before. It was for sure the single best day of driving so far. The road was smooth and mostly flat and the views were spectacular. There were no points that were too remote where I couldn’t find gas. 

Trying to cross the border into Thailand: I made amazing time and got to the border around 4pm. I was very excited and was desperately hoping there would not be any issues crossing. I drove up, parked the bike where the guy pointed and then walked up to the first booth. The guy could actually speak a little bit of English and took my passport. He pointed to the bike and I tried to explain that I wanted to bring it with me. He told me I could not take a Vietnamese or Chinese bike with me into Thailand. I tried to argue with him and make sure it was true. He called someone on the Thai side who told me the same thing. I walked around to almost every other booth and they all pointed me to the first guy again. So I just sat there eating fruits for a long time. He called the guy again and I talked with him for a while. He said he wasn’t able to produce the rule so I kept just waiting hoping they would let me in. It didn’t really matter, the guy wouldn’t budge.

Apparently they allow some caravans of motorcycles through sometimes but that sounds expensive and like it would have to be put together by some kind of local travel agency. I gave up and formulated a new plan. I would stay in Laos longer, then maybe hop over to Northern Vietnam, explore a little there, then meet up with Steff in the Philippines a little bit earlier than planned on the 25th. 

It was late by the time I left the border so I found a dorm in the town nearby. I think it’s called Huay Xai and it’s full of French people. The attraction there is some 2 day “Gibbon Experience.” But it cost $190 apparently and I didn’t have the time. Some girl was crying in the lobby because she thought she had rabies. Yikes…

I planned my route for the next day and I decided I would drive through the Boonies to avoid driving the same road twice. Little did I know what this decision would cost me…

Today I woke up in Nong Khiaw after a much needed rest after my 2 day hiking tour. I ran into an Israeli friend from Luang Prabang in Nong Khiaw. We ate breakfast together and talked a bunch until I saw time slipping away. I hurried to pack my things and headed off around noon.

The ride was awesome. The roads were actually fairly nice and a little bit straight so I was shooting through kilometers. My goal was to get to Nateuey, a city on the northern border of Laos touching China. After endless hours of winding through the jungle roads I made it to 20 km away when I had my first wreck. I wasn’t doing anything special, in fact I was going pretty slow taking a left turn when all of a sudden the bike slipped out from under me. There was nothing I could do and the next instant I was lying in the ditch with the bike with some gas leaking on my leg. The road was so slippery that I just skid on my elbow and left hip all the way to the ditch. My elbow is sore and a little bloody and I haven’t looked at my hip yet but as there were no broken bones I stood up and brushed myself off.

Two Loas people had seen what happened and instantly helped. I was a little in shock but we picked the bike up and put it back in the road. I could see nothing wrong with the bike so I started riding very slowly. My trust in the bike was lost and I felt little weird sensations on left turns. I made it all the way to Nateuey and found a mechanic.

He happened to be Vietnamese so I practiced my Vietnamese with him. He was an awesome dude and him and his brother were built like tree trunks. They took the rear wheel apart and they instantly found the issue. The wheel itself had cracked. He put in a new wheel with all new spokes, I ate some Chinese food next door and then I was on my way. I didn’t plan for the expenses on the way so I was out of money. I paid him in USD so I would have some Laos money for gas to get to the next ATM as there wasn’t one for 60 km.

I said goodbye, grabbed the bike and started driving. All seemed well until all of a sudden I felt a pop and heard a grinding noise. The chain had obviously fell off the sprocket. I don’t know what the guy did wrong but I broke down next to some guys house and when I asked him for help he looked so goddamn confused, granted it was about 10pm at this time which is pretty late in Laos. He walked out to the bike took a look and I told him I would try to find a mechanic, he stared blankly into my eyes as he continued to chew something and his dogs screamed.

I grabbed my pack, slung it over my shoulder, and started walking back, it was about 4km back to town. I threw out my hitchhiker thumb and by some miracle got a ride in about 5 minutes. Some nice guy from Vientienne. He dropped me off at the mechanic but there wasn’t a soul in sight. I waited about an hour on the street where everyone passing me by gave me a triple glance. 

I finally got the bike fixed, payed 356,000 kip but again had to pay in USD. I left the shop around 11pm. It took about an hour to get to Luang Namtha and it was a rough ride. I was frustrated because I was exhausted and I had to cross a river at one point. It was about a foot deep. I just gassed up and ran through it crossing my fingers hoping the bike wouldn’t choke. I had to put my feet in the river and I was already freezing cold. The water was deliciously warm but I became slightly hypothermic for the last 10 minutes of driving as the water started evaporating and felt like ice from my legs to my waist.

I arrived at the town and stopped at every guesthouse but they were all closed and locked. I finally found one where the owners were sleeping in a little tent outside and my motorbike woke them up. They handed me a key and said 70,000. Based on the noise and decor I was certain this was some kind of shady sex hotel but I was never happier to lay down and fall asleep.